You can do it. We can help.

One thing (among many) that I can’t do without considerable help is make a key. I realize that this is largely an equipment based problem, but there’s also some basic skills knowledge that I am lacking. Needing copies of my house keys, I went with Captain Steve to Home Depot yesterday to pick up some things for the corps.

I don’t spend a lot of time in Home Depot. I’m just not that guy. I went once with Uncle Clark to get an electrical adaptor and once with my friend Nicole to get some supplies for remodeling a teen center, but that’s about it. When I walk in, I’m overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things I don’t remotely recognize or understand.

I eventually found my way to the key counter but there was no employee present. I was pretty sure this wasn’t a do-it-yourself counter, and again, it’s not like I’d know what I was doing anyway. So I started looking for an orange apron.

Directly across from the key counter I found one who told me he’d take care of it. But then he hopped on one of those beeping go-cart/forklift contraptions and disappeared. I looked around and saw no more orange aprons in my vicinity. So I tried standing at the counter in an “I’m a customer in need of assistance” kind of way, hoping maybe someone would be checking. No luck. Another orange apron hurriedly walked by and when I got his attention he assured me he’d send someone to take care of it. The look on his face told me that he had more pressing concerns. Yet another orange apron wandered into my section helping another customer. I got his attention, hoping when he was done he could help me, or at least tell me he’d get someone and then not do it.

Finally a customer a bit less patient came up behind me and asked if I could make him a key. I assume he thought I was an employee, despite my lacking an orange apron, but either way we’ve already covered that I couldn’t help him. So he went and got the guy who had been helping someone else and got him to come over.

I normally only use the top lock on my door, but keys are cheap enough and I’d gone to enough trouble that I went ahead and made copies of both keys. And then I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

I went home to test the keys, and of course, the one for the bottom lock didn’t even work. But there’s no way I’m going back for $1.25 or a key I don’t really need. So congratulations, Home Depot. You’ve made an extra dollar by making my shopping experience so difficult that I won’t come back.

Way, way, way over the rainbow

Dark Secret
Woodhaven
Riding Hood
Regatta Bay
Hot Pepper
That 70’s Color
Fiesta Orange *


I went back to the Home Depot today (the second time in 2 weeks; that meets my quota for the next decade) to pick up some more supplies for the teen drop-in center remodeling project. Specifically we were shopping for paint for some of our teens to add their artistic touch to the walls. It was quite an educational process.

First off, there are apparently few things in this world more pretentious than the naming of paint colors (the ones named above are just some of the ones we purchased; we also could have gone with Little Linda, Obsidian Glass, Sizzle, Theatre Lights, Quiet Storm, etc). Good luck finding your basic primaries and secondaries. I blame Crayola.

And every brand has their own original and extravagant name for virtually the exact same colors and shades. Each one has displayed its samples strategically and named them poetically to convince you that they alone have somehow unlocked the true secrets and beauty of the color wheel.

But the most educational portion of our shopping experience was watching the paint get mixed. Things have changed a bit since the last time I watched Mr. Rogers buy paint. It is no longer mixed by hand and judged by eye. Now they have a computer where they type in the code for the shade you have chosen, hold your corresponding brand’s can of white paint under a spigot that shoots out a precisely measured blend of coloring, then seal the whole thing up and put it in a special paint can centrifuge. Very cool.

But it got me thinking about what’s going on under that machine counter where the special coloring for five brands of paint is housed. One theory is that there are actually 5 different compartments of red, and five different of blue, and every other color that is exactly the same as the one next to it. Of course another theory is that there is just one large vat of each color to draw from, regardless of brand. And while the base may be qualitatively different, whether you are inspired by Treehouse or Lady Luck, you still just end up with a can of green paint.



*Otherwise known as: black, brown, red, blue, green, yellow, and um, orange.