Money laundering

Today Capt Steve, Aaron and I ran around town shopping for new furniture and equipment for the remodeled drop-in center. During the course of our errands we stopped by the mall to pick up a donation.

This was no ordinary donation. Local mall management had promised us all the money thrown into the fountain during the months of November and December (in part to help offset the loss caused by their corporate office refusing to let us stand kettles). They support a number of different charities with this money from month to month. But they don’t deposit the money and write a check. They keep all the change in four-gallon buckets in a closet until you come pick it up.

In case you’re wondering, a four gallon bucket most of the way full of loose change weighs about a million pounds. We picked up four. When we made our next stop we felt perfectly comfortable leaving what should amount to a couple thousand dollars just sitting in the van. We actually kind of hoped someone would try to steal it, just so we could emerge twenty minutes later and still watch them trying to waddle their escape.

Loose change pulled from a fountain is also filthy. I know money in general is very unsanitary, but this was the grungiest money I’ve ever seen, still wet and caked in grime. Better yet, when we got back to the corps, Capt Steve opened the van door and out fell two buckets. Several hundred dollars in change strewn about the ground looks a good deal less impressive than you might think. It’s actually quite depressing.

By the time we had swept and shoveled the money up it was certainly no less filthy than before. And now we have to count it. And carry it to the bank.

The next time I throw money in a fountain I know what I’m wishing.